would not come

if i make a lot of tinsel then people will want to.
if i am hardened, no fear of further abandonment.
if i am famous, then maybe i`ll feel good in this skin.
if i am cultured, my words will somehow garner respect.

i would throw a party, still it would not come.
i would bike, run, swim, and still it would not come.
i`d go traveling and still it would not come.
i would starve myself and still it would not come.

if i`m masculine, i will be taken more seriously.
if i take a break, it would make me irresponsible.
if i`m elusive, i will surely be sought after often.
if i need assistance, then i must be incapable.

i`d be filthy rich, and still it would not come.
i would seduce them, and still it would not come.
i would drink vodka, and still it would not come.
i`d have an orgasm, and still it would not come.

if i accumulate knowledge, i`ll be impenetrable.
if i am aloof, no one will know when they strike a nerve.
if i keep my mouth shut, the boat will not have to be rocked.
if i am vulnerable, i will be trampled upon.

i would go shopping, and still it would not come.
i`d leave the country, and still it would not come.
i would scream and rebel, still it would not come.
i would stuff my face, and still it would not come.

i`d be productive, and still it would not come.
i`d be celebrated, and still it would not come.
i`d be the hero, and still it would not come.
i`d renunciate, and still it would not come.

(bkz: supposed former infatuation junkie)
(bkz: alanis morissette)